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Does Getting Married Seem Hopeless?

By Kathleen Hardaway When was the last time you had a date, much less a relationship? Has life been some what of a disappointment because you never dreamed you would still be single? Single is a word you’ve grown to dislike because it describes a life you wish was someone else’s. A life that seems normal would be one with a husband or a wife, children, a house, maybe a dog and a cat.

Today I have a cat, but still no husband. I’m in my forties but my life is far from hopeless. Have I gone to all the wrong places, broken all The Rules (as the book suggests), simply missed it? I’m sure some would say, “She’s too picky, She’s not getting out enough, She can’t expect him to appear on her doorstep.”

Whatever the reasons, is it my fault? I’m choosing to believe that God is still in control of my life. Certainly, single or married we are to be the very best in every area of our lives. Keep striving to look your very best, be your very best, and live your very best. Don’t settle for less. Don’t settle at all. Try not to freak out about your age. I must admit, this can be challenging at times. Don’t let your age cause you to do something you regret.

You’ve probably heard horror stories about people who have said, “I just couldn’t wait any longer. But now I know I’ve made a horrible mistake rushing into marriage.”

Who likes to wait? I’ve never heard anyone say, “I love to wait.” Have you? Waiting at times can drive me crazy. I don’t like to wait in lines, wait in traffic, wait for my food to cook, or wait to purchase things. But waiting is a necessary part of life. We’re an instant society and we’ve grown to expect things when we want them.

But God says to wait on Him. “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD” Psalm 27:14. Frankly, a strong majority of folks don’t want to wait on God much for anything. God says we’re to wait to have sex prior to marriage
(I Thessalonians 4:3-7). How many are doing this? Not many. God says we’re not to marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14). How many are waiting for a godly mate? Not many. God says, Wait on Him and His timing. So why don’t most people wait…because waiting is hard.

If you’re not careful you can either choose the wrong mate or live life in utter frustration and despair. In all your waiting don’t give up on God. I’ve gotten a number of e-mails from people who have become bitter, angry, and very mad at God. I understand completely, but you must begin to change your thinking.

If you’re single and feeling God has forgotten you, what are your options? It’s profoundly simple. You have only one choice: trust God or don’t. I’m not suggesting that anything about this is easy. It’s not. I’ve been there. You feel terrible. You’re not happy where you are and you would like a change. You cannot base your life on what you feel. You feel lousy. You’re not happy and you would like to be married, plain and simple.

Will you continue to feel lousy or will you put your trust in God? Hang on to the truths from God’s Word, not the lies from the evil one. Lies that tell you you’ll always be single. Lies that whisper in your ear and in your heart that you cannot be happy without a mate. Lies that haunt you and tell you that your life is hopeless because you’re single. What kind of life is that anyway? Lies - Lies -Lies…

The true and living God gives us reason for getting out of bed. His refining process can be very painful. He uses trials so that we will put our trust and our hope in Him alone, not in someone else. I urge you to choose to be better not bitter.

Hang on to these words…


“God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Divorced, never married, widowed, whatever the reason for your singleness, you can trust God that He can use you where you are today for good.


“I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his Word I put my hope (Psalm 130:5).

He is your only hope. Cling to His Word. Don’t give up. Don’t lose heart. Don’t waste any more time feeling sorry for yourself. Live for today; live in the moment. I love what Jim Elliott said, “Wherever you are be all there.” Too often many singles miss life, simply waiting for the day they’ll get married. You’re missing too much life if you’re doing this. You’ve been given a purpose. You’ve been given gifts. You’ve been given life. Live it. Live it believing God for the impossible, for His best.


“Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible’” (Matthew 19:26).

Will you ever get married? Is it hopeless? Absolutely not. Nothing is impossible with God. No matter your age, your situation, your fears, trust Him. Put your hope in Him. And believe Him moment by moment, day by day, and your joy will be back in your life as you continue to walk with Him believing He knows what’s best for your life today.

Kathleen HardawayKathleen Hardaway is on staff at Precept Ministries International and has produced and directed Kay Arthur's TV show How Can I Live? for more than 17 years. A single herself, Hardaway is transparent in her first book, I Kissed a Lot of Frogs: But the Prince Hasn't Come (Moody, 2002).

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